Circlers will, from time to time, ask, “Am I doing it wrong?” (If you’ve been doing it a long time, you might ask, “Do I even know how to Circle?”)

Circles might also find themselves saying, “They aren’t Circling.”

And still others will come away from the practice thinking, “There’s really no wrong way to Circle.”

And those are often the same people who, on other occasions, think, “That’s not the right way to Circle.”

Can we get some clarity?

Do not fear. Total and complete understanding await in this very email.

But first, come Circle with us!

As usual, we are hosting THREE Circles this week. Our Online Tuesday Circle and our two in-person events on Thursday and Saturday.

If you have a MeetUp account, you can help us by RSVPing. It helps new people who find the events with a little social proof. “Oh, hey look, people are doing this mysterious Circling thing. Maybe I should go?”

Remember, if at all possible: CIRCLE ONCE A WEEK.

It really helps your practice build momentum and set roots into your everyday life.

And remember, ALL OF OUR EVENTS ARE DONATIONS ONLY. And there are so many ways to donate:

One last note.

We’ve been selling tickets to our Fall Circling Retreat! It’s shaping up to be an amazing event with some incredible people.

Go here to read more about it and buy your tickets today.

Okay, now it’s time to ask the eternal question:

The desire to “do it right” can run really deep. And when we feel that in the Circle, it can show up in many different ways.

We self-police: I shouldn’t say/do that, it isn’t Circling.

We police others: They shouldn’t do that. It isn’t Circling!

We philosophize: How can anyone really Circle the right or wrong way?

If we slow down and get present (i.e. Circle the questions), can we get to something more interesting? Something more real?

Before we get ahead of ourselves, let’s get all the answers out of the way so we can look at what’s really going on.

Is there a right and wrong way to Circle?

Circling can look many different ways, and many kinds of content that we might tell a beginner to steer away from (like personal history) can totally be a part of good Circling practice.

But we shouldn’t let that slip into the idea that there is no right or wrong in Circling.

Circling is a practice. That implies effort toward being in practice. And that implies ways you can be more in practice and less in practice. To the degree you have a sense of what they would be, lean toward being in practice. To the degree you aren’t sure, take a chance and notice what happens and learn from the experience.

That’s about as simple as I know how to put it.

I would stress that a huge percentage of Circling time won’t be in as highly simplified form as that.

These choices you make are limited to your experience and current depth of presence, along with all kinds of things like mood and energy level.

But this is the most boring way to clear the air. Because it seems we are in touch with much deeper things than what is the right and wrong way to Circle.

Maddeningly, if you find yourself stymied by the thought that what you’re doing isn’t Circling, noticing that you are stymied by that is Circling.

What if you pump the brakes there?

What comes up? Self-judgment. How is that? Where is it? Who is saying it? What’s different about the room now that you feel that way? What posture do you want to take? Do you want to touch or be touched by someone? Do you want to be alone?

[Note to all those feeling wrong right now: These questions aren’t the official list. You don’t need to do them exactly in that order to do it the right way.]

And what’s the flavor of this wrongness, anyway?

Is it more that you don’t want to do it wrong in front of others, or is it that you want to do it right for yourself? Some mix? Something else? Is it actually rebellion against Circling, a transgressive desire to be wrong?

This process of staying with the unfolding and really getting curious about it defines the Circling practice. The content (is X right or wrong) does not.

You’re sitting across from someone in the Circle, and they start asking about your job, going on about the weather, and then reflecting on their favorite places to eat (they want to go grab a bite when the event is over, wanna come along?).

At some point, we might think, “They aren’t Circling.” And really what we mean is, “I wish they would Circle.” And what we might actually mean is, “I’m really annoyed that they aren’t Circling.”

Fair enough.

We come to Circling, we learn a certain way of engaging. It delivers amazing depth of presence and connection. And then someone comes in, sits down, and seems to make all the wonders of the practice impossible.

What do we do?

Slowing down, we get more time with each piece of the moment. Do we want to connect with this person and fear we won’t because of how they’re showing up? How are we showing up? Do we need them to change? Are we fully welcoming how connection feels here (i.e. are we actually resisting how uncomfortable we are rather than letting ourselves be uncomfortable)? Do we feel really close to how important the practice is for us?

These kinds of inquiries become possible to slow and curious.

What would it take to put your attention to the connection even if they never drop into what you would consider Circling?

Feeling like someone isn’t in agreement at all can take many forms. That sense may reduce what is possible in the collective field. But Circling isn’t about maximizing the potential of the collective field—it’s about presencing to ourselves, the field, and the others in it.

Of course, there are times when someone will be out of agreement in ways the facilitator must step in (e.g. potential for violence). But short of such extremes, often someone “Circling wrong” is one of the best stimulators to your own practice.

A good sign it’s calling you to new depths of Circling? How annoying it feels!

Circling is a practice.

Like meditation, there are people who have attained high levels of practice who can give guidance about how they did it. It is generally understood that if you want to attain high levels of practice, you should listen to others and try out some of what they recommend.

Then, you should listen to your experience and consider your results and adjust accordingly.

Your Circling practice emerges over time through this conversation. Direct experience, mentorship, peer feedback, community norms, theory, and discussion all inform you.

Ultimately, the question isn’t about Circling right or wrong. The question is more like: How am/are I/you/we unfolding in the process of Circling right now?

Notice that. The thing actually going on. Welcome and own any judgments coming up—things like what’s right and what’s wrong. And if you or someone you know seems to be Circling wrong, the Circle is simply bringing that to you. It’s the feeling that something’s wrong: that’s actually going on. Be right there, with others. Take a breath. Feel it. Taste it.

It’s the exact kind of “solution” you’d expect from Circling, the way it moves with the endless, breathtaking change at the heart of incarnation. And it’s what makes Circling an infinite road that can take you all the way to profound human connection, inner insight, and onward to union with the divine.

Check out some of our recent episodes below!